Make thoughtful contributions to conversations that matter

Everyone wants to show up a certain way. We may have different styles and personalities, but most of us want to show up as smart; knowledgeable; credible; like we know what we’re talking about. But even when we do, in fact, know exactly what we’re talking about, we can find our voice stuck in our throats. The result can be saying nothing at all or muddling through a conversation or presentation, only to come out the other side thinking, “What the heck did I just say?”

I talk to people regularly who are incredibly knowledgeable, credible, and have lived experience that would benefit so many others, but they find it difficult to share. Gratefully, I recently came upon an amazing book that I read cover to cover because it provides so much value in helping people learn to make thoughtful contributions to important conversations. It’s called Speak Out, Listen Up: How To Have Conversations That Matter, by Megan Reitz and John Higgins. Reitz and Higgins do us all a big favour and offer a framework that guides us to ask ourselves insightful questions to get to the heart of what is holding us back from confidently giving voice to what we know to be true and valuable. I’ve summarized it here.

T.R.U.T.H. Framework

The “TRUTH” framework offered by Reitz and Higgins provides a structured approach for navigating challenging conversations, especially in complex social or professional environments. It helps individuals assess their readiness to contribute, the potential risks involved, and the best ways to approach communication.

How much do you TRUST the value of your opinion?

The foundation for speaking up is confidence in your knowledge and relevance. Get introspective about your past experiences, expertise, and the internal doubts that may arise when voicing your opinions. Reflect on how the current context or environment may affect your ability to communicate effectively.

Ask yourself:

• Do I have something relevant and coherent to say?
• Am I sure of my opinion?
• What are the voices inside my head that might make me doubt my contribution?
• What past experiences have shaped me?
• How does the current context impact me?

What are the RISKS involved in speaking out … or not?

Speaking out often involves weighing potential consequences; examining both the negative (embarrassment, strained relationships) and the positive (gaining respect, driving change) outcomes, as well as the risks of staying silent.

Ask yourself:

• What is the worst-case scenario?
• What are the consequences of speaking out?
• What will people think of me?
• What is the impact if I am wrong?
• What is the upside of speaking out?
• What is the risk of not speaking up?

Do you UNDERSTAND the politics of who says what to who … and why?

Social awareness is key; recognizing the dynamics in the room, including group power structures, egos, and personal agendas helps us navigate situations more strategically.

Ask yourself:

• Whose toes might I step on?
• Who might be my allies?
• What are the spoken and unspoken rules of this group?
• What are my sources of power in this group?
• Do I understand the politics, egos, and personal agendas present?

Are you aware of the TITLES and labels others attach to you and you attach to others?

Labels, whether self-imposed or attributed by others, influence how we interact and perceive power. Titles such as “newbie” or “CEO” carry weight and impact behaviour. It’s important to pay attention to both conscious and unconscious biases, and how societal titles or personal labels may elevate or diminish your confidence in certain situations.

Ask yourself:

• How are the titles that I am putting on myself or that others are putting on me helping or hindering the situation?
• What status titles rise up for me (newbie, female, young, old, outsider, introverted, not enough)?
• How do I label others (boss, executive, male, confident, white, part of the “in” crowd)?
• How can I work with the biases in the room, rather than wishing them away?

Know HOW to choose the right words

Knowing how to communicate effectively is the final piece. Choosing the right language, tone, and delivery to best suit the situation ensures that your message is not only voiced, but heard in a way that resonates with your audience.

Ask yourself:

• What are the words that will land well with others?
• How do I speak out so I will be heard?
• What balance of advocacy and inquiry will be most effective?
• Is it better to be informal or more formal?

Conversations are complex because humans are complex

We can’t always be sure of the power, politics, and people we are dealing with, but working through these questions (ahead of time if possible), is helpful in equipping us with the insights to feel prepared and confident about how we will contribute.