“There is no more important life skill than Emotional Literacy. Recognizing, naming, and understanding what our emotions are trying to tell us is life changing.”

– Dan Newby

The belief that emotions don’t belong in the workplace was once pervasive, but as we’ve gathered more understanding, many people have developed openness to recognizing that we humans don’t leave parts of ourselves at the door when we arrive at work. Although some will continue to resist the notion that “feelings” have any value in the workplace, it seems the world is learning to accept that emotions do, in fact, show up regardless of where we are and, in fact, can be useful – even at work. 

Even Bad Emotions Can be Good

Most of us have lived our lives up to this point recognizing only a handful of emotions and improperly labeling them as “good” or “bad.” We learned that good emotions are ones like happy and excited, and that anger, disgust, and sadness are bad. But what if we dissect those a little? Take anger. Sure, what we physically feel in our bodies when we are angry is unpleasant, but it can actually be useful. When anger is a product of experiencing something like injustice or disrespect, it can help us respond in productive ways. Like if a co-worker says or does something that feels disrespectful, instead of turning red and “just” feeling angry, if we take the time to ask why we’re feeling that way – is it really anger, or could it be something else? When we identify it more specifically, we are better able to address it and potentially improve the situation or relationship, rather than walking away angry and leaving the relationship damaged.

What if we never felt anger? If the unpleasant physical feelings that can accompany anger – like heat in our face, tightness in our bellies – we may continue through life letting others disrespect us and those we care about, or complicitly watching injustices without taking action to correct them. It’s because we literally feel something that we are moved to do something.

How Emotions Can Help Us

Emotions have so much more meaning when we pay attention to them and learn what they’re trying to tell us. If identifying our emotions is the first step to emotional intelligence (according to the brilliant Dan Newby), then learning to appreciate them and manage them is the jackpot.

In my younger years, I considered the emotion of nervousness to be bad because I didn’t like the “butterflies in my stomach” feeling. At the first flutter, I wanted it to go away. But, as I learned more about why I tended to get nervous, I realized that it was usually in situations where something really mattered; I cared about it. With practice, I’ve been able to reframe my mindset when I feel nervous from bad to appreciation.

As leaders in workplaces, when we learn to identify our emotions, get curious about why they’re present, and – when appropriate – manage them, we are much more effective. And when we can recognize more specific emotions (not just happy or sad) in the people around us, and help them identify, understand, and manage them, our effectiveness as people leaders sky rockets.

Understanding our emotions and developing emotional intelligence is a lifelong journey. My “EI” mindset is not always “on” and when something really ticks me off, I still flounder and have a tough time bringing myself back to who I want to be. But, like anything worth having, it’s worth working at it. Thankfully, Dan Newby and Curtis Watkins wrote a brilliant book called The Field Guide to Emotions. In it, they teach us how to identify 150 essential emotions (did you know there are that many?!) in a variety of ways that will help name which one we are feeling or observing in others, in an effort to grow our emotional awareness. Written as a “Field Guide” makes it a practical, useful tool for coaches, teachers, leaders, and others who work in support of human development. Thank you Dan and Curtis!