That colour looks really nice on you.

Great job on your presentation. I really think people heard what you said.

Thank you for the extra work you put into that project; you made it so much better than it would have been otherwise.

Read those three sentences again and, this time, imagine hearing someone saying them to you. I’ll wait … 

… How do you feel? They’re “just” words and, in this case, completely made up scenarios, but do you notice feeling a little lighter, a little happier, a little more confident?

Life can feel heavy. The news cycle is relentless, our inboxes are overflowing, and most of us are moving so fast we barely register the people around us. But what if the antidote to that heaviness wasn’t a productivity hack, a wellness retreat, or a complete life overhaul? What if it was ten seconds and a single, sincere sentence?

I’m talking about compliments. Not flattery; not empty, performative praise designed to get something. I mean the real thing; the kind where you notice something genuinely good about another person and you tell them.

We Underestimate Our Own Power

Here’s what the research tells us, and it’s striking: we are remarkably bad at understanding how much our words mean to others.

In a series of studies, Boothby and Bohns (2021) found that people consistently underestimate how positively a compliment will be received. We worry we’ll seem awkward, or that the compliment will land flat, or that the other person already knows, so we say nothing. But in reality, the recipients of those unspoken compliments would have valued them far more than the giver ever predicted.

Zhao and Epley (2021) took this further, demonstrating that this “miscalculation” creates a real barrier. We don’t just underestimate the warmth our compliment will generate, we underestimate how competent we’ll appear for giving it. In other words, our fear of seeming “too much” or “weird” is almost entirely unfounded. The person on the receiving end is far more likely to feel seen and grateful than to feel uncomfortable.

When we hold back our words, we withhold something that costs us nothing but could mean everything to someone else.

The Ripples We Never See

Think about a compliment you’ve received that stayed with you. Maybe a boss told you that you had a gift for asking the right questions. Maybe a colleague said you had a way of making everyone in the room feel included. Maybe a stranger told you your laugh was contagious.

You probably still remember it. You might even have told someone about it. Maybe you stood a little straighter for the rest of that day, or longer.

That’s the ripple effect: when someone’s mood lifts, their kindness expands, and they spread it. They’re more patient with their kids, more generous with colleagues, more present in their conversations, and maybe they’re dolling out a compliment to the next person they see. One sincere observation, offered in just ten seconds, changes more than just that moment.

As leaders, this is something we can’t afford to overlook. Culture is built in the micro-moments, not at the annual awards dinner. It’s being noticed, regularly, by someone who didn’t have to say anything but chose to anyway.

The Gift to the Giver

What you might ignore is that complimenting others isn’t just good for them, it’s good for you.

Nelson, Layous, Cole, and Lyubomirsky (2016) found that prosocial behaviour (doing kind things for others) leads to greater psychological flourishing than self-focused activities. In other words, our own good mood is more effectively served by looking outward than inward. When you actively seek out what’s worth appreciating in the people around you, you train your brain toward positivity. You start seeing more of it. And what we look for, we tend to find.

Perhaps the antidote to life feeling heavy isn’t waiting for something good to happen to you, it’s to go and create something good for someone else.

Make it a Practice

The most effective leaders I’ve coached don’t reserve appreciation for performance reviews or special occasions, they build it into every day. They walk into meetings looking for something worth acknowledging. They send quick messages that say I noticed, and I wanted you to know.

It takes ten seconds. Sometimes fewer.

And it creates ripples you will never fully see, which is one of the most beautiful things about it.

Over to You

I’d love to know, what’s the nicest, or most unexpected, compliment you’ve ever received? The one you still think about. Why did it mean so much to you?

And now, a challenge. Before the day is out, intentionally seek out at least one person (or a few)  and pay them a genuine, specific compliment. Not “great job,” but why it was great. Not “you’re so smart,” but what you noticed. Make it real and specific; something they’ll remember. If it’s a stranger you know nothing about, tell them how much you like their shoes or their earrings. It’s amazing how easily it is to stop someone in their tracks by making them feel seen.

You have no idea what someone is carrying today. But you might be exactly what helps them put it down for a moment.

Go find out.

And thank YOU for reading this far!!

If this resonated with you, share it with someone who could use the reminder, and maybe lead with a compliment.