I’ve been sitting with something Susan David shared in her newsletter late last year. It just won’t leave me alone. She distinguished between cultures of “human doing” versus “human being,” noting that when we evaluate people solely on output, we abandon a human-first approach. Her punch line got me: “The best workplaces don’t just measure what you do, they recognize who you are.”

I see the gap between those words and reality all the time in my coaching practice.

I’ve had senior leaders tell me (with a completely straight face) that they empower their entire team. And go on to casually mention they require daily check-ins, review many client emails before they’re sent, and “like to stay close to the work.” That’s not empowerment, that’s surveillance.

Another leader told me about his boss, who repeatedly proclaimed his “people-first” philosophy. Beautiful stuff, really moving. My client went on to describe how, three weeks later, that same leader restructured his department and eliminated four roles. The dissonance caused my client major confusion and disillusionment internally, and complete bewilderment at how he was going to back up the “business decision” to his own team. Apparently “people first” comes with an asterisk, until the spreadsheet says otherwise.

The Performance of Humanity

The most insidious version I encounter is the “bring your whole self to work” mandate. Leaders love this phrase. It sounds progressive, inclusive, evolved. BUT bring your “whole self” (your anxieties about aging parents, your grief, your neurodivergence, your occasional need to not be “on”) and suddenly you’re “not fitting the culture” or “going through something” (followed by whispers and exclusion).

In reality, a lot of workplaces want only the good, strong, productive parts of your “whole self.” The part that brings homemade cookies and shares weekend stories. The part that gets sh!t done. The part that can make “business decisions” without showing human emotion. They’re less enthusiastic about the part that needs accommodations to be effective, disagrees in meetings, or occasionally appears less than thrilled about the company’s new initiative.

What Being Human Actually Looks Like

Susan David’s distinction matters because it forces us to confront the truth: a lot of people have built elaborate scaffolding around the fiction that they value people for who they are, when systems, metrics, and actual behaviour reveal they primarily value what we produce.

I’m not suggesting we abandon accountability or performance standards. That’s not effective leadership. But I am suggesting we examine the gap between our stated values and our actions.

The leaders I coach who know how to create human-being cultures do specific things differently. They acknowledge when someone’s having a rough patch without immediately mapping it to a performance improvement plan, they recognize that empowerment means accepting outcomes they may not have chosen themselves, and they understand that “people first” during good times is easy, but maintaining that stance during restructuring conversations reveals true character.

They also acknowledge their own humanity; they don’t pretend they’ve transcended normal human limitations and they do model that being human isn’t something you do perfectly; it’s something you practice imperfectly and repeatedly.

New year. New you?

My challenge to you as you move through this year is to pick one area where your stated values and actual behaviour diverge. Be honest. Maybe it’s empowerment that’s actually control. Maybe it’s “people first” that evaporates under pressure. Maybe it’s the “whole self” invitation you’re not prepared to actually honour.

Name it, then close the gap. Your people already know the difference between what you say and what you do. They’re just waiting to see if you do too.